Another year goes by. Crazy to think we’re at the end of 2024. This year has definitely brought its ups and downs. Looking back, I choose to focus on all the good. I have seen so many miracles this year – great and small.

As I write this once again from my hospital bed, my thoughts go to Moroni 10. In that chapter, the final verses of The Book of Mormon, Moroni speaks of spiritual gifts and miracles brought by faith, hope, and charity. What better time of year to ponder on such things than at Christmas?

This is the first year December has flown by without me even knowing which day it is. It was our busiest December that I recall. Something scheduled nearly every night. There was hardly time for advent calendars, Christmas movies, or even hot cocoa. (I know, I’m appalled, too.) But I did take time myself as well as with my family to study the scriptures every day; to talk of Christ every day; to count our blessings and pray for others every day.

Of all the years I would have to be removed from my family for a time, I suppose this one works because I have had so much fun going and doing all the things this season with my family. Memories to last a lifetime.

I have found this December to be different from past years in a few ways.

1. There was something extra fun or exciting to look forward to every day. An advent of its own I guess.
2. Seeing my children more involved outside the home felt like sharing Christmas spirit in a whole new way.
3. The small quiet moments waiting or watching were my most cherished.
4. I really don’t care about one present or material item. I simply love being with my family and spending time in person with them. Experiences are far greater than things.
5. Joy and the Spirit of Christmas can be found everywhere you go if you look for it, or better yet, bring it with you.
6. The combined faith and prayers of family and friends is a very powerful, tangible thing.

I have not been feeling well for some time. This year has been a challenge that way, but the past 6 weeks especially have been difficult. Going and doing all the things, albeit fun, was not easy. For every event I had to put my best foot forward, often pretending to feel well so the kids could enjoy whatever it was we were doing.

One particular night after we had gone and done and I’d given all I had to the cause, I was getting in bed and feeling terrible. My husband questioned whether we should have been doing all these activities rather than just keeping me home to rest. I told him even though it took everything I had to give, I had no regrets and would do it again in a heartbeat just to see the smiles and joy in my children’s faces.

It was in that moment I realized something profound: Jesus Christ embodies what I was saying. He gave us everything. Literally, He gave His life and all He had to give so we can have joy. True joy. Not just joy for a night. Eternal joy. Eternal families. Eternal progression. As a parent, I experienced only a fraction of the smallest fraction of what the Savior feels for us. Very humbling.

When I got the news I had to go to the hospital only 5 days before Christmas, I was beyond devastated. Of all the things, this was most unexpected. I hadn’t been feeling well, no, but I was recovering from surgery and what has seemed like “normal UTIs” – same old story. I never imagined all the fun things would come to a halt with a “super bug UTI” doctors worried could turn into sepsis.

I got the call from the doctor telling me I had to be admitted to the hospital only an hour later. I had to drop everything and go. My kids were already spending time with family, so my husband just started driving. As the hours ticked by in the hospital waiting for my actual room and starting the IV medications, I tried to think of all my blessings and the amazing things we’d done this year. The list was endless. I also tried to focus on Jesus Christ, knowing He and only He knew how I felt.

It is not the end of the world to be in the hospital when, other than needing IV medications, I feel okay. I have so many friends and loved ones who have it far worse than I. More life-threatening situations or even loss of life, leaving those behind to grieve and mourn. It was uplifting to count my many, many blessings.

I just finished reading Elder David A. Bednar’s book The Rock of Our Redeemer on Deseret Bookshelf. I highly recommend it. My dad had recommended it to me, and I am so glad I read it. Toward the end of the book, Elder Bednar talks about how Christ knows what we go through – that we cannot say no one knows how we feel because He does. Part of Jesus’s mission on this earth was to suffer all our pains, sorrows, grief, afflictions, infirmities, sins, and transgressions. Jesus Christ, through His infinite and eternal sacrifice in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross, suffered all things so He can now and forever hold us to Him and guide us through paths of grief and pain. He has walked the path, felt it, lived it. He can carry us through.

Elder Bednar discusses at length how our covenants with the Lord made at baptism and in the temple bind us to Christ, allowing us access to His power. It is through that power we can find strength to overcome all challenges of life, big or small.

Paperwork has been started for me to go home with home healthcare IV antibiotics, possibly today or perhaps a few days. With tomorrow being Christmas Eve, it feels down to the wire. I could not be more excited or antsy to get home. I am wishing I had more patience.

The more I think about getting home for Christmas to be with my adorable young children and my ever dutiful husband, the more I realize that Christmas is just a day on the calendar. It is an important and special day, of course; but more important that Christmas Day is a Christ-centered life. All the days to celebrate and worship our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

If I could only leave one message for my children this Christmas, it would be this:

Jesus lives. He loves you. No gift under the tree will ever come close to the gift Heavenly Father gave us when He sent His Son: to earth as an infant child to live through mortality; to Jerusalem and its surrounding areas to share the gospel and build the kingdom of God on earth; to Gethsemane to bleed from every pore; to Calvary to suffer crucifixion and give up His life; to the spirit world to unlock the prison gates and start preparing the gospel work for those who lived and died without the gospel; to the empty tomb to show himself to Mary and then others as a resurrected being, having broken the bands of death; to the Sacred Grove to begin the restoration of His church on the earth in the latter days; and to one day soon return to earth to rule and reign forever and ever as King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Jesus Christ is not just some character in the Bible. Nor is He some prophet who did good things, miracles even. Jesus Christ is the literal Son of God, the Way back to our Heavenly Parents. This is the true significance of Christmas, and it is not just for one day. It is for always.

This year, if I do not get home to celebrate just in time for Christmas, we will make time for Christmas. We can still do all the holiday fun things another time, a different day. And rather than wallow in my own self-pity, I can cheer up those who are here with me, especially those who are worse off than I.

I am grateful to the healthcare professionals who work night and day to care for patients like me, holidays or not. I am most grateful to be alive and to know that this, too, shall pass. I am choosing to endure it as well as I can with a cheerful and grateful heart.

A friend reminded me just this morning that whether I go home today or not, my life and improved health alone are evidence of the Lord’s love for me. Such true words! Every breath! I am grateful. And I am feeling physically better than I have in weeks.

Last night, my entire family was gathered together for our annual singing night of all things Christmas. Kids perform, adults sing solos, duets and choral arrangements. We usually take turns playing piano. I have to sing alto rather than my beloved soprano most of the time because there can only be so many divas in one family (at least in the same room 😉). I was of course not there, but I called and listened for a bit. It sounds so different on the phone, but it was nice to hear and sort of take part. I was glad my children could be there enjoying it. I definitely felt the love and sentiment of the traditional night together, even from afar and only for a couple songs.

My brother told me that one of his favorite carols, “I’ll be Home for Christmas” takes on new meaning this year wondering whether I’ll be home. That made me tear up. In further thinking upon this, however, I realize wherever I can feel the Spirit of the Lord and the love of my family – yes, even in the hospital – I am home for Christmas. “I’ll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams!” Yes, indeed.

Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas, every single day of the year.