Happy New Year – a little late, but feeling so blessed

36 days. It’s a record. In 2024, I had 24 infections (that’s an average of two per month) over the course of the year. I was hospitalized for infections and other complications four times in that year, ending on Christmas Day. That was such a miracle, I am still saying prayers of thanks for the mighty miracles that many hands were part of to make happen. It truly was a Christmas my family shall always remember. Scriptures say something like “after the trials cometh the blessings,” and I feel that deeply right now. While life is still incredibly challenging, I feel immensely blessed. For the past 36 days of 2025, I have not had any infections. I have not needed additional antibiotics (nor their side effects), and I’ve been able to go and do most of what I need to get done. I am not running races, but I have started physical therapy and am working to regain strength. Meanwhile, I continue to work with doctors to figure out the best course of action regarding all my other challenges. At this point, if this became my new “normal,” I will gladly accept it.

I was able to go to the temple three times already this year – something that seemed elusive to me last year: nearly every time I scheduled an appointment, an infection would flare and I’d be down for a few days. I would reschedule the appointment, and so it went. This year I hope to be healthy to go to the temple more often. I especially look forward to taking my daughter who now has her own limited use recommend. She has loved going already.

Date night at the Mesa Arizona Temple January 2025
First time doing baptisms with our daughter

I must say this feels like a meandering post because I have had so many random thoughts and experiences over the past few weeks of this new year. So, if you are already bored, abandon reading now. 🙂

I truly want to post to this blog more often, especially because my girls enjoy reading it. They even helped me reconfigure a few things to make it easier to locate the posts. My 6th grader has learned a lot about technology and coding and blogging this year. She’s now obsessed with mine it seems (well, if you like the ramblings of an old woman according to her). But, my blog went through quite the issues once I got home from the hospital at Christmas. On the back end, I had to fix the domain and redo the site because of some connectivity problems. I am not a back end tech expert – I am barely a user – but with the help of a couple experts, I got it fixed.

I have been LOVING studying Church History and the Doctrine and Covenants. My favorite podcasts are still my favorite. Check them out if you haven’t already. Note: I do not get any royalties, privileges or anything from these recommendations. I just adore them and have loved how they have impacted my own study and my own life.

  • Follow Him with Hank Smith and John Bytheway – I have to say, I always listen to this podcast first in the onslaught of podcasts each week. It covers much of what is in the Come, Follow Me manual; plus, they have the most variety of wonderful, inspired, expert guests. I learn about other podcasts, articles, and study materials from this podcast. I was worried that because they had done the four years (one of each book of scripture) from 2020-2024, they might discontinue the podcast. But the best news is it continues. In my opinion, it is better than ever. Each week’s episodes bring new light or new ways of thinking about the scriptures we’ve read over and over. I love it. They also started a new thing this year to go with the new “Voices of the Restoration” sections of Come, Follow Me. They have had Dr. Gerrit Dirkmaat from The Standard of Truth on as a guest a couple times for that, and I have thoroughly enjoyed each one. My family and I ran into Hank Smith last summer between the Smith home and the Sacred Grove in Palmyra, New York (see the picture below). Hank has an unmistakable face and even my children were delighted to meet him, since they are often around when I am listening to the podcast. Sometimes we also watch the YouTube channel as part of our family studies and discussion. Not everyone loves random people coming up to them and talking with them, but Hank was so personable (in fact, perhaps I am too casual calling him Hank here, but over 4+ years of listening, I feel like we are friends). I asked him then whether the podcast would continue in 2025 and he excitedly said yes. It made that trip even more memorable. I will make another note: not all people like listening to people talk. The transcripts and show notes for this podcast are amazing. I have downloaded them and used them for personal study, gospel doctrine lessons, family study, and even journaling. The podcast is now in a few languages (French, Spanish, Portuguese, English), so it is more widely available than ever before.
  • The Standard of Truth with Gerrit Dirkmaat and Dr. Richard LeDuc (so excited that Richard just officially got his PhD!) This is quite the duo of witty – sometimes outright silly – gospel discussion of historical events, particularly Joseph Smith and the coming forth of the Restoration of the Church. On their website it says, “A podcast hosted by historian Dr. Gerrit Dirkmaat, where we explore the early days of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the life and teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith. They examine the original historical sources and provide context for events of the past. They approach the history of the church with faith, expertise, and humor.” This is exactly what you get. They do offer a paid version, which I splurged on because I cannot get enough of this duo and the information is excellent. My children groan when it is Monday (release of the premium podcast) or Thursday (release of the free podcast) because my husband listens to it on his way to drop them off at school. They secretly love it, though. When we went back east last year to see some of the American History sites, we listened to “Condemned to Repeat It” on the premium episodes before our trip. When we saw some of the places, they were glad they knew about it. We have a lot more places to visit, though. One of these days my husband and I will join a tour in the summer. Timing just has not been good for us, but we would not miss such an opportunity if we could go. If you are struggling with questions about early church history or whether Joseph Smith truly was a prophet of God, this podcast will give you sources and accurate insight along with smiles for days. It is my favorite for a reason.
  • The Scriptures are Real with Kerry Muhlestein is another go-to must listen each week for Come, Follow Me. I rarely watch the YouTube video, but prefer the podcast audio. If you’re into videos, YouTube is the place to go. I love the guests and the insights, similar to Follow Him, but often they don’t get to everything in the Come, Follow Me reading for the week. Instead, this podcast dives deep into a couple of key points or tips on how to make the scriptures real in our lives today. I highly recommend this podcast if you’re looking for a deep dive.
  • Church History Matters with Scott Woodward and Casey Griffiths is a gem. I started listening to this podcast when it first came out. They tackle some of the more controversial matters of church history, including Joseph Smith, The Book of Mormon, polygamy, blacks and the priesthood, and other challenging topics. I have thoroughly enjoyed each episode as well as the references to each of the documents they discuss. They even had one series on how to find good sources and avoid bad ones. This year in 2025 they are following the Come, Follow Me curriculum week by week, section by section of the doctrine and covenants. This podcast is also available on the Scripture Central podcast and the Scripture Central site for this year that we are studying church history and the Doctrine and Covenants. I cannot recommend this podcast enough. I have relistened to both series on the First Vision, Joseph Smith, and the Book of Mormon translation again this year to enhance my personal study. If you haven’t tried this one, start now.

Okay, I do listen to other Church-related podcasts such as the Church News podcast, Unburdened, and All In, but I am not as regularly faithful in listening to those as the ones listed above. I have others as well, but we’ll stick to these for now.

I also started using the Scripture Plus app far more this year than ever before. Wow! What a difference in my study. I have recommended it to family and friends and they are all loving it, too. The team at Scripture Central really works hard to put the videos, podcasts, and this app together to make studying easy, routine, and more meaningful than ever. There are wonderful study apps out there (including the best one called Gospel Library created and maintained by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), and all of them are fantastic. Scripture Plus is the only one I am using right now other than Gospel Library.

I am working to study both The Book of Mormon and The Doctrine and Covenants this year. While I am deeply studying The Doctrine and Covenants, I read just a small part of The Book of Mormon each day using the Scripture Plus app, and enjoy the commentary and quotes from Church leaders they include in the daily reading plans. A few weeks ago, I was reading in 1 Nephi chapter 3, a quote from then Elder Henry B. Eyring was included. It touched me particularly.

“When you’re experiencing a severe trial, ask yourself this question: ‘Am I trying to do what the Lord would have me do?’ If you’re not, then adjust your course. But if you are, remember the boy outside the walls of Jerusalem who turned to his brothers and said, ‘I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.’

“I bear you my testimony that the Lord will always prepare a way for you to escape from the trials you will be given if you understand two things. One is that you need to be on the Lord’s errand. The second thing you need to understand is that the escape will almost never be out of the trial; it will usually be through it. If you pray to have the experience removed altogether, you may not find the way prepared for you. Instead, you need to pray to find the way of deliverance through it.

Eyring, Henry B. To Draw Closer to God: A Collection of Discourses. Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Book, 1997. 84-86.

I have read this quote many times – sometimes a few times in one day – over the past few weeks. It struck a cord with me. We all have trials, big and small. Sometimes the small trials on top of big trials can really bring us down. Sometimes worrying over others and their trials can be even more difficult because we feel helpless. But I love the promise that the Lord will prepare a way for escape from the trials we are given if we are (1) doing our best to do the Lord’s will and (2) working faithfully through the trial to the best of our ability. It makes sense that we can’t simply have our trials taken away. Life is meant to challenge, test, and refine us. That doesn’t happen without difficulties and character-building opportunities. Call it trials, sorrows, hardships, or whatever you like, each one is tailored specificially to us to help each of us to learn what we need to become more like our Heavenly Parents.

I have decided this quote from Henry B. Eyring shall be my personal theme for this year. I have set goals to be infection free and to stay out of the hospital (both of which aren’t really in my control), and I am hopeful that will be the case. However, whether that continues to be a trial or other hardships arise, I choose to have faith and continue moving forward, praying for deliverance through the trials rather than to not have them. This in and of itself will be a challenge, but I am ready to take on that task. I know I shall be better for it. May the Lord bless you with the way He has prepared for you to escape your own trials, even if you must endure them for some time yet.

Happy New Year!

Meeting Hank Smith just outside the Sacred Grove.

Christ is the Lord! The first MCO song that changed my life

Link to hear the song on Apple Music.

There aren’t really words for the experience of listening to Millennial Choirs and Orchestras latest recording of O Holy Night, but I will at least try to convey some thand feelings I have had while listening to this divinely inspired “mashup” of holy music.

Honestly, to say Mashup seems sacrilegious. It is a combination, a marriage or music truly inspired by God.

I recall the first time I heard this song, this exact arrangement. It was one year ago at my kids’ MCO concert. We live in Arizona, so it was one of if not the first concert of the season. I had broken my foot a few days prior and was on crutches. My husband was volunteering with the concert backstage, so I was a party of one in attendance at the balcony level. Of course there were people all around me – sold out show – but when this song began it was as if I were alone in that theater, hearing a message from God Himself.

Tears sprang to my eyes as the first notes were sung. I felt the love of God so much. I felt that He truly sent His Son Jesus Christ just for me. The lyrics spoke to me, familiar and yet new.

All my pains melted away as I focused on the message and spirit of the song. The talented voices and instruments and director transported me to a Heavenly realm of Christmas revelry.

I love that “O Holy Night” encapsulates Christ’s entire mission and purpose not just His birth and Christmas night. Because of Jesus, all oppression and sin will cease. Jesus Christ dispels darkness with light. He brings joy unmeasured. I will praise His name forever.  His power and glory evermore proclaim!

At the concerts both last year and again this year, Professor Stewart talked in depth about Beethoven’s struggle with the loss of his hearing and how even after full hearing loss, he wrote some of his most amazing music. That in itself is a miracle of God that he could compose even while deaf. And the miracle means more because he went through such a trial and came out triumphant.

The climactic moment of “fall on your knees” is so powerful and majestic, yet thought provoking. When was the last time I fell on my knees? Literally? Figuratively?

I always love that in the story of Peter walking on water, as Peter falters and falls, Jesus immediately reaches out and saves him. Jesus is always reaching out, ready to save. Big or small trial, He is there. When we fall by choice or unfortunate circumstances beyond our control, Christ meets us where we are and picks us up, making us whole again. The process is not always as immediate as lifting Peter out of the water, but He is truly always there. Always.

This Christmas season, I hope you find joy and peace in Christ. I hope the spirit of praise and rejoicing for the babe in the manger who indeed fulfilled His mission to conquer death and sin lives in your hearts as expressed in this wholly amazing song.

Note: you can find this song anywhere you stream music by searching “O Holy Night” by Millennial Choirs and Orchestras.

Thoughts of Christmas from a hospital room

Another year goes by. Crazy to think we’re at the end of 2024. This year has definitely brought its ups and downs. Looking back, I choose to focus on all the good. I have seen so many miracles this year – great and small.

As I write this once again from my hospital bed, my thoughts go to Moroni 10. In that chapter, the final verses of The Book of Mormon, Moroni speaks of spiritual gifts and miracles brought by faith, hope, and charity. What better time of year to ponder on such things than at Christmas?

This is the first year December has flown by without me even knowing which day it is. It was our busiest December that I recall. Something scheduled nearly every night. There was hardly time for advent calendars, Christmas movies, or even hot cocoa. (I know, I’m appalled, too.) But I did take time myself as well as with my family to study the scriptures every day; to talk of Christ every day; to count our blessings and pray for others every day.

Of all the years I would have to be removed from my family for a time, I suppose this one works because I have had so much fun going and doing all the things this season with my family. Memories to last a lifetime.

I have found this December to be different from past years in a few ways.

1. There was something extra fun or exciting to look forward to every day. An advent of its own I guess.
2. Seeing my children more involved outside the home felt like sharing Christmas spirit in a whole new way.
3. The small quiet moments waiting or watching were my most cherished.
4. I really don’t care about one present or material item. I simply love being with my family and spending time in person with them. Experiences are far greater than things.
5. Joy and the Spirit of Christmas can be found everywhere you go if you look for it, or better yet, bring it with you.
6. The combined faith and prayers of family and friends is a very powerful, tangible thing.

I have not been feeling well for some time. This year has been a challenge that way, but the past 6 weeks especially have been difficult. Going and doing all the things, albeit fun, was not easy. For every event I had to put my best foot forward, often pretending to feel well so the kids could enjoy whatever it was we were doing.

One particular night after we had gone and done and I’d given all I had to the cause, I was getting in bed and feeling terrible. My husband questioned whether we should have been doing all these activities rather than just keeping me home to rest. I told him even though it took everything I had to give, I had no regrets and would do it again in a heartbeat just to see the smiles and joy in my children’s faces.

It was in that moment I realized something profound: Jesus Christ embodies what I was saying. He gave us everything. Literally, He gave His life and all He had to give so we can have joy. True joy. Not just joy for a night. Eternal joy. Eternal families. Eternal progression. As a parent, I experienced only a fraction of the smallest fraction of what the Savior feels for us. Very humbling.

When I got the news I had to go to the hospital only 5 days before Christmas, I was beyond devastated. Of all the things, this was most unexpected. I hadn’t been feeling well, no, but I was recovering from surgery and what has seemed like “normal UTIs” – same old story. I never imagined all the fun things would come to a halt with a “super bug UTI” doctors worried could turn into sepsis.

I got the call from the doctor telling me I had to be admitted to the hospital only an hour later. I had to drop everything and go. My kids were already spending time with family, so my husband just started driving. As the hours ticked by in the hospital waiting for my actual room and starting the IV medications, I tried to think of all my blessings and the amazing things we’d done this year. The list was endless. I also tried to focus on Jesus Christ, knowing He and only He knew how I felt.

It is not the end of the world to be in the hospital when, other than needing IV medications, I feel okay. I have so many friends and loved ones who have it far worse than I. More life-threatening situations or even loss of life, leaving those behind to grieve and mourn. It was uplifting to count my many, many blessings.

I just finished reading Elder David A. Bednar’s book The Rock of Our Redeemer on Deseret Bookshelf. I highly recommend it. My dad had recommended it to me, and I am so glad I read it. Toward the end of the book, Elder Bednar talks about how Christ knows what we go through – that we cannot say no one knows how we feel because He does. Part of Jesus’s mission on this earth was to suffer all our pains, sorrows, grief, afflictions, infirmities, sins, and transgressions. Jesus Christ, through His infinite and eternal sacrifice in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross, suffered all things so He can now and forever hold us to Him and guide us through paths of grief and pain. He has walked the path, felt it, lived it. He can carry us through.

Elder Bednar discusses at length how our covenants with the Lord made at baptism and in the temple bind us to Christ, allowing us access to His power. It is through that power we can find strength to overcome all challenges of life, big or small.

Paperwork has been started for me to go home with home healthcare IV antibiotics, possibly today or perhaps a few days. With tomorrow being Christmas Eve, it feels down to the wire. I could not be more excited or antsy to get home. I am wishing I had more patience.

The more I think about getting home for Christmas to be with my adorable young children and my ever dutiful husband, the more I realize that Christmas is just a day on the calendar. It is an important and special day, of course; but more important that Christmas Day is a Christ-centered life. All the days to celebrate and worship our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

If I could only leave one message for my children this Christmas, it would be this:

Jesus lives. He loves you. No gift under the tree will ever come close to the gift Heavenly Father gave us when He sent His Son: to earth as an infant child to live through mortality; to Jerusalem and its surrounding areas to share the gospel and build the kingdom of God on earth; to Gethsemane to bleed from every pore; to Calvary to suffer crucifixion and give up His life; to the spirit world to unlock the prison gates and start preparing the gospel work for those who lived and died without the gospel; to the empty tomb to show himself to Mary and then others as a resurrected being, having broken the bands of death; to the Sacred Grove to begin the restoration of His church on the earth in the latter days; and to one day soon return to earth to rule and reign forever and ever as King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Jesus Christ is not just some character in the Bible. Nor is He some prophet who did good things, miracles even. Jesus Christ is the literal Son of God, the Way back to our Heavenly Parents. This is the true significance of Christmas, and it is not just for one day. It is for always.

This year, if I do not get home to celebrate just in time for Christmas, we will make time for Christmas. We can still do all the holiday fun things another time, a different day. And rather than wallow in my own self-pity, I can cheer up those who are here with me, especially those who are worse off than I.

I am grateful to the healthcare professionals who work night and day to care for patients like me, holidays or not. I am most grateful to be alive and to know that this, too, shall pass. I am choosing to endure it as well as I can with a cheerful and grateful heart.

A friend reminded me just this morning that whether I go home today or not, my life and improved health alone are evidence of the Lord’s love for me. Such true words! Every breath! I am grateful. And I am feeling physically better than I have in weeks.

Last night, my entire family was gathered together for our annual singing night of all things Christmas. Kids perform, adults sing solos, duets and choral arrangements. We usually take turns playing piano. I have to sing alto rather than my beloved soprano most of the time because there can only be so many divas in one family (at least in the same room 😉). I was of course not there, but I called and listened for a bit. It sounds so different on the phone, but it was nice to hear and sort of take part. I was glad my children could be there enjoying it. I definitely felt the love and sentiment of the traditional night together, even from afar and only for a couple songs.

My brother told me that one of his favorite carols, “I’ll be Home for Christmas” takes on new meaning this year wondering whether I’ll be home. That made me tear up. In further thinking upon this, however, I realize wherever I can feel the Spirit of the Lord and the love of my family – yes, even in the hospital – I am home for Christmas. “I’ll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams!” Yes, indeed.

Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas, every single day of the year.

Enchanted Christmas in Nevada visiting Santa Claus earlier this month

Where do you meet Jesus? Where do you have “singular focus” on Him?

Can you think of a time when you felt really close to Jesus Christ? I mean really close. Perhaps you were at your wit’s end trying to figure out a solution to an unsolvable problem. Or maybe a loved one’s life hung in the balance. Per chance, you were struggling to know whether God even exists or if He knows who you are. Maybe you had but a dollar in your bank account and didn’t know how to find your next meal, let alone pay the bills and take care of your family. Perhaps you felt so alone, so very alone. Or maybe, you feel you’ve gone too far, gotten lost, or made too many wrong turns to find your way back.

Regardless of the circumstances, I imagine, if you’re like me, you have felt or feel closest to the Savior when you are at your weakest, darkest moments.

At General Conference just a couple weeks ago, Elder Karl D. Hirst said:

I wonder, if Jesus were to choose a place where you and He could meet, a private place where you would be able to have a singular focus on Him, might He choose your unique place of personal suffering, the place of your deepest need, where no one else can go? Somewhere you feel so lonely that you must truly be all alone but you aren’t quite, a place to which perhaps only He has travelled but actually has already prepared to meet you there when you arrive? If you are waiting for Him to come, might He already be there and within reach?

God’s Favourite, October 2024 General Conference

Notice how this says “if Jesus were to choose.” We are not choosing the meeting place in this scenario. Jesus Christ who has suffered every specific trial, heartache, frustration, and turmoil we could ever experience knows in perfect detail how we feel. He has been there. And He is there with us when we experience it ourselves. “He has actually already prepared to meet us there when we arrive.”

I have been in that specific place many times. Sometimes I’ve stayed there longer than others. Sometimes it looks and feels different than others. And as horrible and miserable of a place it is, I always find Jesus there–with me, holding me, carrying my burdens. He never leaves me comfortless. He always stays as long as I allow Him. And when the depths of sorrow pass, I find myself longing for that closeness again. No, I don’t want to go through the trial again, but nothing can compare to the intimate companionship of the Savior in that place of refining.

My goal each time I leave that place is to keep that feeling, keep that closeness. To keep that “singular focus” on the Savior even though routine life resumes. Yet, in all my efforts, nothing can quite compare, save for small moments of revelation and communion through the Holy Ghost that come through purposefully seeking Jesus. In these times He finds me in the temple, at church or a baptism, at the side of someone else who is suffering, in the quiet moments at the end of the day. It is surprising where we find Him sometimes, but the point is that He is always there. Sometimes we are too busy or distracted to feel Him and know Him.

I am writing this from tge hospital as I am yet again being admitted for another infection that must be treated with IV antibiotics. There is no other way.

My heart is heavy and I feel so broken and beyond frustrated. Four of the last five Octobers (and more than a few Octobers before that) I have spent days or weeks in the hospital for various reasons. I have a milestone wedding anniversary this week, and I honestly cannot remember the last time we celebrated our anniversary on the actual day. Many anniversaries like last year, I have no memory of whatsoever because I was in the hospital with serious difficulties. This year I hope to at least be aware and acknowledge it, knowing we shall celebrate soon.

I had a goal to stay out of the hospital this year. It didn’t happen. I was there in July days before school began. I made a new goal to stay out the entire month of October, but here we are.

Maybe next year.

For now, I will focus on Christ. I will remember my covenants with the Lord, including the one I made with my husband in marriage. I will remember and give thanks for my many, many blessings. I am so loved by my family and friends. I adore my two beautiful children, and pray they will be blessed to feel the love and peace of Jesus when I am not home with them. I pray for my husband who is dutiful in serving and taking care of me in my sickness, never once complaining. I am so blessed!

Life never seems so short as when you are forced to focus on the here and now, forced to slow down and look at what really matters. Since I re-listened to this talk by Elder Hirst just yesterday, these thoughts were already on my mind. But, now they take on even deeper meaning as I embark on this hospital stay. I look forward to having singular focus on Christ as I meet Him again in one of my rough places. He knows it well. He knows me well. May this time I have with Jesus bring me closer to Him and prepare me to face whatever else comes my way in the future. I pray that when this treatment is done, I will keep that focus as strong as I can despite the busyness and distractions of mortal life.

And most importantly, may I always remember the joy that is felt most deeply through the refining fire as I focus on my Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ.

How do your temple covenants empower you?

I attended my stake conference over the weekend, and at the Saturday evening session for adults, they asked a similar question about being spiritually empowered by our temple covenants. Referring to Doctrine and Covenants 109 – the dedication of The Kirtland Temple – President Nelson said, “Joseph Smith’s dedicatory prayer of the Kirtland Temple is a tutorial about how the temple spiritually empowers you and me to meet the challenges of life in these last days.” He encouraged all to read and study section 109. This was a theme and a focus of our stake conference.

Anyway, as the stake president opened time for anyone in attendance to share via microphone how they were spiritually empowered because of their temple covenants, I paused to reflect on my own answer. I enjoyed hearing all the insights from my fellow stake members, but I did not share my own thoughts. I have a bad habit of overthinking how my thoughts and ideas and experiences are received and I don’t want to annoy people by sharing. I later realized this thought was not from the right source – that any time we feel prompted to share and testify of Christ, we should.

So, after reflecting on my own response to this question for a couple of days, I will write and share my thoughts here.

In the past few years, I have found myself distracted by my shortcomings and failings rather than progress and becoming. Especially at times when my health is not wonderful (read: often), I can fall into the adversary’s trap of devaluing my worth and believing I am not good enough. While I am not perfect and never shall be in this mortal life, it is not the Lord who wants me to focus on what I lack. When I attend the temple, my perspective shifts into perfect alignment with the Lord’s. I see myself as His daughter and as a work in progress, a masterpiece in the making. Jesus Christ suffered and atoned for me so that I can practice becoming like Him each day. When I inevitably mess up, make mistakes, and fail, He is always there to guide me to keep trying. His suffering allows for multiple attempts, infinite in number.

The covenants I made in the temple and renew at the sacrament table each week bind me to Christ, giving me access to those infinite attempts to follow Him and become like Him. As I attend the temple for deceased women, I can remember the specific words and promises I make and the blessings the Lord promises in return. When I attend the temple, the false doubts that Satan would have me believe about myself fade into nothing as I see myself and others as the Lord sees me. When I leave that sacred, holy place, I feel more equipped and ready to handle the challenges of life. I feel empowered to recognize the lies of self-doubt and despair, focusing on the Savior and His infinite capacity to help me reach my fullest spiritual potential. He can see what I can become and will help me get there, but I have to keep focus on Him and on His mercy and love and protection and strength.

When I think of my beautiful daughters and their self-confidence and potential, all I see is good. Yes, they have things to learn and to improve, but they are amazing and wonderful and are becoming beautiful young women. If I remember that Heavenly Father sees me eternally more clearly than I see my own children, I will trust Him and not doubt myself. As long as I hold true to my covenants and faithfully follow Jesus Christ as best I can, repenting and improving all along the covenant path, Jesus Christ will enable me to become like my Heavenly Parents. I know no greater power than that, nor a more joyful promise.


Jarom and I, after attending a session with my nephew for his own endowment. Gilbert, AZ

Can you be happy when it seems the world is falling apart and life is hard?

The theme for a recent Come, Follow Me lesson comes from 2 Nephi 5:27 “And it came to pass that we lived after the manner of happiness.” The leading paragraphs in the manual says that Nephi and his people “also learned that happiness does not come easily or without periods of sorrow. It ultimately comes from trusting the Lord.”

No doubt countless people — I would say all humans, everywhere — have (or will) experienced great tragedy, loss, sorrow, sadness, grief, pain, and all sorts of trials and afflictions. In fact, if each person were to write a story about their mortal experience on earth, many of the “things” that would be cataloged there would include painful, trying experiences. Each story might look different, but each would seem on the surface to have many negative, unhappy events — obviously some more than others, but trials are a central part of every human life. Even just the act of being born is one of effort and trial not only for the mother giving birth but for the child entering the world. If we look at life through this lens, it is easy to see how dark and dreary the world is. Then when we add all the sorrow and tragedy and loss of each person together as a whole human race, it is overwhelming and seems hopeless. Life. Is. Hard.

In The Book of Mormon we read multiple accounts of hardships and trials of the people who lived during that time. At a particular trying period of my life about 5 years ago, I had a lot of time on my hands doing dialysis and practically living at the hospital. As I read through the Book of Mormon, I highlighted any time I came across words such as affliction, trial, hardship, longsuffering, suffering, pain, sorrow, tribulation, misery, or any other word with similar context. What I found was interesting and lifted my spirits: nearly every time any of these words were used, the passage included or followed with words of faith or testimony of the Savior, Jesus Christ. For example, in the very first verse of 1 Nephi 1, Nephi says, “and having seen many afflictions in the course of my days, nevertheless, having been highly favored of the Lord in all my days; yea, having had a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God.” Nephi is essentially saying; my life has been very hard, but I have been very blessed because of the Lord.

To be honest, I started this post about a month ago, but life has brought me challenges of my own. I have not felt well most of the days, yet life moves forward and I had to keep going. The one thing I could “drop” was blogging. I missed it. I couldn’t believe how much I appreciate getting my thoughts out, knowing few people will ever read them. I’ve said before that this blog is rather selfish in that way because I can write what I think and feel in hopes of sharing my experiences and testimony with my family. But in the last month in addition to continuing health challenges, I had a daughter getting ready for baptism. She turned eight at the end of February and with that came parties and celebrations and baptism preparations. It was physically taxing and spiritually exhausting, but also so rewarding. What a joyful month it has been and I have felt an abundance of the Spirit of the Lord.

Speaking of challenges and living after the manner of happiness, let me share a quick story. Preface: Both of my daughters decided on their own that they wanted to read the entire Book of Mormon before turning eight and getting baptized. My elder daughter, Evanie, was so sweet, saying, “I think it is important to know whether the Book of Mormon is true and the Church is true before I get baptized, don’t you, Mom?” So, as a family, we read and finished The Book of Mormon three years ago when Evanie was baptized. We started last year to read it with Dottie, my recently-turned-eight-year-old. We were just finishing Helaman around Christmastime. My family decided to start over with Come, Follow Me this year, but Dottie insisted she wanted to finish it before her birthday and that I could do it with her. In addition to my own personal study and our family study, I began a “buddy study” with Dottie. It usually turned into a bedtime story type thing where we would read one verse each or I would read to her, one or two chapters a day. It was extra work for me, but I also look back with joy on the experience.

Okay, now for the story: I don’t know what it is (but it happened with my older daughter as well), but it seems that right before kids turn eight and decide to get baptized, they test limits and boundaries more than usual. I could ask my daughter to clean her room and I’m met with weeping and whaling more so than usual. Or when she needs to brush her teeth or even her hair, moaning and murmuring ensues. There was one particular day when my husband was at work and I was home with the kids getting chores done, etc. My soon-to-be eight-year-old, Dottie, was not having it. She fought with her sister, she argued with me, no matter what I said or did, she was not changing her attitude. I felt overwhelmed and frustrated. I remember going to my room and praying to the Lord, asking Him for help. I said something to the effect of, “She is your child and I do love her, but I cannot do this. I need help.” I recall clearly the immediate answer of overwhelming love and comfort and the words that came to my mind: “I do love Dottie. And I love you. You are both mine. Go and ask Dottie if she wants to read The Book of Mormon with you.” Okay, not going to lie, I thought, yeah, right. That is the last thing she is going to want to do right now. She’s been so ornery. But I was desperate, and I knew I had felt the Spirit, so I went and asked her, “Dottie, do you want to stop what we’re doing and read The Book of Mormon together now?” She turned and looked at me, a complete change in her countenance. She was smiling and her eyes were excited. She said, “Mom! That is exactly what we need to do!” I felt the love of the Lord in that moment. I knew that Jesus Christ knew me and my sweet Dottie. He knew the frustration I felt. He felt it with me. But He also knew Dottie’s heart and her own frustrations. He allowed me to know that what we both needed was the amazing Spirit that comes from reading The Book of Mormon. The entire day changed. Both Dottie and I changed. We got all our chores and other tasks done before my husband got home, and I was blessed with the physical strength to do it.

I think of all the challenges and trials in the world (and even in my own life at the time with the health challenges I’ve had), and this incident with Dottie was not a great challenge on the surface. It wasn’t building a ship or having brothers trying to kill me or my father like Nephi. Still, in that moment on that day it was a very real and troublesome problem I faced. And Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ still gave me the answer and strength I needed to fulfill my role as a mom. FYI, she did finish The Book of Mormon and she did get baptized. The Spirit was so strong at her baptism — I’ve not felt it that powerful at another baptism before, which was just another witness to me of how much Heavenly Father loves her and how much she loves Him.

I could write endlessly about more trials, great and small, and I’m sure that each of you could share your own experiences for days. The message is still the same: Jesus is mindful of us. He is aware of all that matters to us. And even the small things matter to Him because it matters to us. He knows personally what it feels like to go through all things, great and small. It is because of this truth that I find hope in the hymn “Come, Ye Disconsolate” — the words are so promising. I have heard the lyrics quoted recently in General Conference and in other places. I am looking forward to hearing the new Gentri arrangement of the hymn on their new album. Rob Gardner’s arrangement is one of my favorites. But, it is also in the Hymnbook. Wherever you find it, I hope it brings you peace like it does for me.

Here are the lyrics:

Come, ye disconsolate, where’er ye languish;

Come to the mercy seat, fervently kneel.

Here bring your wounded hearts; here tell your anguish.

Earth has no sorrow that heav’n cannot heal.

Joy of the desolate, Light of the straying,

Hope of the penitent, fadeless and pure!

Here speaks the Comforter, tenderly saying,

“Earth has no sorrow that heav’n cannot cure.”

Here see the Bread of Life; see waters flowing

Forth from the throne of God, pure from above.

Come to the feast of love; come, ever knowing

Earth has no sorrow but heav’n can remove.

I love these lyrics and the hope they provide. My favorite line is the last in each stanza, slightly varied by verse. Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal, cure, or remove. It reminds me that all trials and tribulations and afflictions of this life are temporary. If we trust in Jesus Christ and stay true to our covenants with Him, our suffering will have an end. I know it can be discomforting at times to know we must endure the trials of this life often until the end of our mortality, which gives little relief on the surface in the midst of trial. However, I also know that keeping an eternal perspective and recognizing these trials can bring us closer to the Lord and help us to become like Him can bring us peace and joy and happiness in ways we never could have experienced otherwise.

I choose to continue to look for the ways the Lord has blessed me in my afflictions, even on days it seems too difficult to bear. Alone it would be too difficult, but I am not alone. We are not alone. Jesus Christ is our Companion. Through keeping covenants, we can feel His Spirit ALWAYS. Always. It is my prayer that we do even on our darkest days and can say with Nephi that “we live after the manner of happiness.”

I always feel awkward meeting and talking to new people, do you?

Last week I had two interesting experiences that were somewhat similar.

First, I attended a patriotic program (week of President’s Day) at my girls’ elementary school. It was so cute, and all the kids did a great job. I love that our school emphasizes patriotism and goes above and beyond to teach the children respect and gratitude for our country and those who serve and defend it in various forms (not just miliary but political office and being good citizens). Getting to the school and going through the process to get in for an all school program like this is not my favorite thing, I especially get frustrated finding a parking spot since parking is quite limited at the school and there are “No Parking” signs all along the streets surrounding the school because it is in a neighborhood. As I was walking up to the line of parents and grandparents attending the event, I started talking to a woman in line next to me. I didn’t know her. I don’t even know why I started the conversation. That is not like me at all. I don’t really start up random conversations with strangers. But, we got to talking … and we talked throughout the entire time I was at the program. We didn’t chat during the performances, but in between when the kids were going on and off the stage or while we were waiting for it to start or at the end when people were filing out. It was a wonderful experience. I feel like I made a new connection, a new friend. Her kids were similar in age to my own, but in different grades. She was new to the school this year and we found lots of things to talk about including the school, but even outside that topic.

Only one hour after this school program, I had my second experience making a new friend, chatting it up with someone I did not know. We were volunteering for an after school activity, and I’m sure I’d at least seen her before if not talked to her briefly. I couldn’t remember her name. She came up to me and said, “Hey, you look familiar. Have we talked before? Have we volunteered together before?” I laughed and agreed we probably had. A conversation ensued and we talked for quite a while. It was refreshing and fun to hear her experiences and insights on the venue for the kids.

By the end of these two events, I admit I was physically exhausted. I was tired and ready to be done for the day, but spiritually and emotionally I felt uplifted, enriched, even strengthened. I had to chuckle as I told my husband about my afternoon that night over family dinner. He was not all that surprised I had talked to these women, though I still am. It is really not like me. Sure, I can talk the ear off my friends and family – people I am super comfortable with – but rarely do I chat up a stranger.

The very next day I started listening to a podcast with Ed Mylett and Charles Duhigg. I have read books by both these gentlemen and businessmen before. Great books (The Power of Habit and The Power of One More). But the podcast talked about Charles Duhigg’s recent release of his new book Supercommunicators. I just got it and cannot wait to read it. I’ll have to make a book review post about it after I do.

The main points they discussed in this podcast hit home as I reflected on my day talking to those ladies at random. As humans, we long to connect with other people on a deeper level than simply the weather or the task we are presently sharing. We want to know what people think and feel, but with strangers or even general acquaintances, it can be awkward. Further, I was thinking about Heavenly Father’s plan for us. We are not meant to navigate this world alone. We are sent here to live in families (yes, not all families look the same and there are unique circumstances, but God’s plan centers around the family). We have ward families, neighborhoods, communities, societies, states, provinces, nations. Many groups gather for different reasons, but regardless of the reason, people need people. We each are given unique gifts and strengths from God to help us help each other on our journey back to Heaven. Jesus Christ was the best example of this in the New Testament. He served, loved, gave, sacrificed and shared His true self with others. He still shares Himself with us if we seek Him.

I pray that we do and that we will. I know I am going to make a purposeful effort to connect to others, even strangers, throughout my day. I will choose to not make it awkward and press forward in faith in Christ and His example; in addition, I will strive to see other as God sees them – His children, my brothers and sisters on this earth. We can find connection. We can share on this journey of mortal life.

How do you think you do with chatting it up with strangers? What tips or tricks do you have that help you?

Dad, Are You Awake?

There is so much content for Come, Follow Me this week. For only covering two chapters in The Book of Mormon (2 Nephi 1-2), there are so many rich doctrinal truths and principles we can learn. Lehi must have been quite the prophet and speaker. Someday when we have the original Book of Lehi again, it will be interesting to read his writing style and all the words he had to share. I am so thankful for the words we have from him through the record of his son Nephi. I enjoyed reading the scriptures as well as the manual’s insights in Come, Follow Me. All the podcasts were wonderful too. I especially enjoyed Follow Him with Hank Smith and John Bytheway. Their guest Dr. Lili De Hoyos Anderson is one of my favorites. She had so many insights and the Spirit was so strong listening to her share her own experiences. I actually cried listening to it, touched by what she was saying.

My parents and my siblings and our families meet once a month to have dinner and enjoy a discussion about Come, Follow Me. This month was my parents’ turn to teach the lesson and lead the discussion. I personally loved this as we discussed Lehi talking to his posterity and we had the opportunity to hear from my dad and mom to their kids and grandkids. It is something I love and look forward to each month. The responses and participation of the little children is fun to watch; we see their testimonies growing over time as we meet each month.

In 2 Nephi 13-29 it starts with “awake; awake from a deep sleep.” Lehi pleads with his posterity to be vigilant and well aware of what is going on around them. He warns them not to allow the adversary to slowly take control of their minds and their lives. Satan has no intention of allowing us to be free or to choose the Lord. He is working tirelessly to thwart our efforts to keep our covenants and follow Christ. If Satan doesn’t rest, then neither can we. Obviously, this doesn’t mean we can’t physically sleep — this is an analogy, a symbol, an illustration. But the message is clear: we cannot ever get complacent in living the gospel or keeping our covenants because the moment we do, we’ve already allowed Satan and his wily ways to creep into our lives. Yes, repentance is key and available to us daily; but vigilance is necessary.

The conference talk that came to mind (and I believe was mentioned in more than one podcast this week) is “Dad, Are You Awake” by Elder F. Melvin Hammond. This talk was given in the Sunday afternoon general session of General Conference in October 2002. I remember this talk for a unique reason based on an experience I had had with my dad only a few months earlier that year:

The Snowflake, Arizona temple open house was something I really wanted to attend. For my entire life, we’d only ever had one Arizona temple and that was in Mesa. It was exciting that we’d have another one. I was not in school at the time, just working, so I had made arrangements with my dad to drive up on a weekday and come back the same day. We had to leave rather early to make it work. My dad had church meetings that evening, so we were on a tight schedule. What I didn’t know was that my dad had not slept well the night before. He had his Diet Coke and some sunflower seeds to keep him going while we drove. I offered a few times to drive, but my dad was confident in his driving, and I didn’t mind being the passenger. I remember I slept some along the drive. As we were only 30 minutes or so from Snowflake, I asked my dad if he wanted me to read to him. We had been reading Harry Potter – not together, per se, but we happened to be on the same book. I started reading The Goblet of Fire as we drove. I hadn’t gotten but a couple of pages in when I noticed we were veering to the right a bit. I looked at my dad and he seemed fine. I saw a big truck coming in the opposite direction on the two-lane road and figured he was giving them space. But to my horror, all of a sudden, we passed over the shoulder line and started going 65 (or more) miles per hour over this rocky land on the side of the highway. The SUV bumped and jerked and rocked up and down, side to side, front and back. I knew we were going to tip over and die. I prayed out loud, “Please, don’t let us tip over, don’t let us tip over. Help us stop!” My prayers were answered. We never tipped over and eventually the vehicle stopped – three wheels jammed into big boulders and the fourth tire not much better.

We were in the middle of nowhere, our vehicle stuck, and barely catching our breath. I remember looking over at my dad. His face was one of shock and relief. I asked him what had happened. He said, “Well, I think I drifted asleep for a second.” I don’t recall what was said after that exactly, but I know my personality and I’m sure I gave him a hard time for it. I had offered to drive, after all. That truck that had passed by us came back to see if we were all right. They saw the whole accident happen. We left the SUV and got a ride with them into town. My dad had an aunt and uncle who lived in Snowflake at the time, so we went to their house. We borrowed a vehicle and went to the temple open house.

I have to say, I already loved the temple, but my sure testimony of the temple came from this visit. It wasn’t even dedicated yet, but as we entered those doors (bodies sore from whiplash and seatbelt burn, spirits stirred with worry and concern over the vehicle and what would come next), I could only feel the peace of Jesus Christ. I did not think once about the accident. I was able to feel a sure love of God and I knew that I was in His house. My dad knew several of the people helping with the tour, including his brother and his wife. We got a special side tour that no one else did as a friend took us to see all the rooms. We saw the bridal preparation room. As I looked at the picture of Esther, I remember thinking that the Lord knew me just as well as He knew Esther. He wanted to help me with my life and my decisions just as He did Esther in days of old. I didn’t want to leave the temple because it was such a wonderful experience, but eventually we did. As soon as we left, all the worry, pain and frustration from the accident returned to me.

My dad didn’t make it to his church meetings that night, but we did manage to get the vehicle fixed well enough to drive home (truly a miracle in and of itself, but the fact we had very minimal injuries was also miraculous). I have always been close with my dad — definitely a daddy’s girl — but I feel we bonded in a new way that day. Not only that, I am now a nervous passenger who has no shame in telling whomever is driving that they are veering or going to fast or whatever I think is off. So speak up passengers!

When I heard Elder Hammond’s conference talk and he said, “Dad, are you awake?” I busted up laughing. I was watching at my parents’ house and looked at my dad. He also laughed. It was a long-standing joke. But just like my mom always says, “There’s a gospel principle in that.” There is responsibility for parents, both dads and moms, to be awake spiritually to help their children see the pitfalls and challenges of life, to avoid catastrophe. But there is a responsibility of children to ask their parents whether they are awake — paying attention to what is going on in life and helping them to stay safely on the path. It is no coincidence that we are put here on earth in families. Each plays a role in helping each other to return back to Heaven. No parent is perfect. No child is perfect. But if we each are actively awake and walking the covenant path together, we can help each other become more Christlike.

Obviously, this phrase can be changed to say, “Mom (or Grandma/Grandpa/Aunt/Uncle/Bishop/Friend/Neighbor/Teacher), are you awake?” We each have a part we play as we walk the covenant path, holding to the Iron Rod to get to the Tree of Life and stay at the Tree. Even for those who literally or figuratively go off the road, we can help. We can provide help on the way back. We can guide them to the Tree, just as we had help to get to the temple that day. What are we doing today to stay awake and help others?

Birthday Season and Other Thoughts

First, I have to apologize for not posting in a while. Between having my birthday, my daughter’s birthday, and then having an unscheduled, fast-track surgery last week, I was not super focused on posting to this blog. But, I do want to share some thoughts and experiences from this past week.

First, I have had more people follow this blog than I anticipated. In all reality, I started this for me and my children; but I hope that as more and more people find it, they will also find JOY in Jesus Christ. This past week was full of ups and downs, but I can honestly say I felt joy each day. So thanks for taking time to read this. I’d love to hear your comments or whatever thoughts you have to share from your own life that bring you joy, too. We are all God’s children working toward the same goal of returning to live with Him again, so He wants us to help each other. It’s definitely a group project not a solo assignment.

This photo was taken on my birthday a little over a week ago. It was a fun, relaxing day. Our girls attend a local gym several days per week, and we went with them to see how they’ve been improving over the last eight weeks. They work so hard and are doing so great. To celebrate them and my birthday, we went to Kneader’s for breakfast: a rare treat for sure! Then we spend most of the day at home doing puzzles, playing games, and watching some Harry Potter movies. We’ve all read all the books, so every once in a while, we watch the movies. My oldest daughter told me she felt that it wasn’t much of a birthday celebration, but it was just what I wanted. Low stress, low key, and lots of time with the people I adore most in this world. My husband, Jarom, spoiled me by doing a full crab boil with Alaskan King Crab. (He bought it on sale a few months ago and saved it for my special day since it is my very favorite.) Looking back over the years of my life, I never could have imagined my life being as it is now with all the blessings I enjoy. But my wish for my birthday this year was one of gratitude: I am forever thankful to be alive and spending time with these wonderful people. Each new day I live, I am blessed to meet more people, interact with friends and neighbors, family and strangers. I hope that as I do, I can be more like Jesus and see them as He sees them and love them for who they really are, not for who they may seem to be. I will strive to be better at that this year.

Another thing I loved about my birthday was spending some one-on-one time with my daughter, Evanie. She is in the 5th grade and always teases me that she is a complicated tween (yeah, not even close – she is such a sweetheart). She was writing her first talk for sacrament meeting, but she had some strong emotions about her topic from personal spiritual experiences that she didn’t really feel comfortable sharing because it was too tender for her to talk about. She told me all the things weighing on her heart and we had such a great visit. She sorted out what she wanted to say in her talk. At the end, she apologized for taking up my birthday fun time. I gave her a huge hug and looked her in the eyes, telling her with all sincerity that there was no other way I wanted to spend my birthday than with her talking and crying and sharing like we did. The Spirit was so strong during our time spent together, and we are so much closer because of it. She is such a sweet spirit, and I am so blessed to be her mother. If there is ever any doubt, my dearest, darling children, please know I always have time for you. I always want to know what’s on your mind and how you feel about things. I will make time. Every time.

This same daughter – my oldest daughter, Evanie – has her birthday only a few days after mine. It’s a great thing we didn’t share the same birthday because we are both kind of obsessed with our birthdays and need our own day. 🙂 She requested a turtle pull-apart cupcake cake. (Disclaimer: I do not consider myself crafty in any sense of the word, but like most moms, I will give all I can to make my children happy if it is in my power to do so.) I did my best. You can see from the picture, it’s more like a Nailed It! dessert, but it made her happy. It did taste good if I can say so myself, but it was a struggle. We always celebrate with the grandparents coming over to eat cake and open presents and visit. Sometimes we play games, but we didn’t this year. Evanie was most excited because she asked for a box of 96 crayons. I couldn’t find one, but I found a box of 152 crayons. Apparently, this is the largest set anyone has taken to school. She loves drawing and coloring and this one the one thing she wanted most. See what I mean, she’s cute?

Yellow cake with hot cocoa frosting

What I didn’t tell anyone other than my husband the day of the turtle cake birthday is that I was not feeling well. I had had a couple of UTIs in the month of January already and I felt like I had another one coming on. I had just finished the antibiotics a few days before. I put on a happy face to celebrate with Evanie, but after she went to bed I did too. It was a terrible night of pain and discomfort. Early the next morning, I had a doctor’s visit with my urologist surgeon. I definitely had an infection – the same infection from the previous two infections of the month. It just wasn’t going away even with the antibiotics. He gave me more antibiotics and scheduled me for surgery to replace my ureteral stent (I won’t go into great detail here because this post is already getting long, but basically, I have to have a stent in my ureter from my transplanted kidney to my bladder because without it I cannot drain the urine and I could die. The stent has to be replaced every 90 days.) The surgeon suggested that by moving my surgery up to only 6 weeks after the last procedure, we could get rid of this infection better and for good. It took a lot of coordination and scheduling and help from family to watch my kids, but I had the surgery on Friday. It went well, but the healing seems a little slower than usual. I am sure it is because of the active infection I am still fighting and currently on more antibiotics. So, that leaves me to rest and try to heal.

waiting in pre-op before the procedure

I hate resting. There, I said it. I love to be busy and doing things. It is no fun to rest and recover. I can only sleep and read and watch so many shows. I love podcasts, but I love them on the go more than in bed resting. I get restless every single time I have to recover or heal. It reminds me of when I was on bedrest with my second daughter, feeling so restless and unable to do what I wanted. I heard the song “Restless” from Mercy River and it stuck in my head, playing over and over. Even today, I can hear the tune and the lyrics:

You dwell in the songs that we are singing,

Rising to the Heavens, rising to Your heart, Your heart.

Our praises filling up the spaces

In between our frailty and everything

You are You are the keeper of my hear

And I’m restless, I’m restless

‘Til I rest in You, ’til I rest in You

I am restless, I’m restless

‘Til I rest in You, ’til I rest in You

Oh God, I wanna rest in You

Oh, speak now for my soul is listening

Say that You have saved me, whisper in the dark, the dark.

‘Cause I know

You’re more than my salvation

Without you I am hopeless, tell me who You are

You are the keeper of my heart

You are the keeper of my heart

And I’m restless, I’m restless

‘Til I rest in You, ’til I rest in You

I am restless, I’m restless

‘Til I rest in You, ’til I rest in You,

Oh I wanna rest in You

Still my heart, hold me close

Let me hear, a still small voice

Let it grow, let it rise

Into a shout, into a cry

And I am restless, I’m restless

‘Til I rest in You, let me rest in You

And I am restless, so restless

‘Til I rest in You,

’til I rest in You, Oh God

Let me rest in You.

The Lord gives us rest. Even when we aren’t lying down and taking it easy, running around doing all the busy things life brings us, Jesus Christ gives us rest. In the New Testament, Jesus says to “take my yoke upon you and I will give you rest.” I have felt this time and time again as I have to step back and focus on letting my body heal. It is a good opportunity to focus on the Savior and what He has done for me. It is a way to feel the peace that only He can give. When I cannot attend the temple because of my health, I can find Him in my scriptures, in my prayers, in my backyard, in my snuggled children, and in my pondering. If I will let go of my worry and stress and trying to do all the things and just be still, then I can feel His rest. Sometimes it is a real struggle, but I am looking at this through my birthday wish: how can I be grateful for needing to rest and heal? The first thought that came was that I can work on my spiritual and emotional and intellectual goals while my body heals. In doing so, perhaps I will learn more of what I need to do to become more like Jesus Christ. Signing off so I can go rest. 🙂

Becoming the Works of God – Reflections and Insights from Elder Bednar’s BYU Speech January 2024

Have you listened to Elder Bednar’s talk that he gave this week at BYU? If not, visit “Consider the Wondrous Works of God” (Job 37:14) | David A. Bednar | BYU Speeches and listen to it. You can also follow the Recent BYU Speeches Podcast wherever you listen to podcasts, which is what I like to do to keep up on the devotionals and forums given. As a BYU alum myself, it brings back great memories of going to the Marriott Center to listen to whatever speaker they had each Tuesday. I loved how everything shut down to encourage students to attend the devotional. It was always an extra special event when one of the First Presidency or the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles would visit and speak. Twenty years later, I still enjoy hearing what they have to say. Even though I’m not a student nor single or newly married, the principles and promises given in these talks still apply to me. After listening to Elder Bednar’s remarks from this week, here are my thoughts and take aways:

  1. President Nelson has said more than once that the Lord loves effort. This talk takes a deep dive into what that effort might look like as a follow of Jesus Christ, as a covenant keeper in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I love that Elder Bednar started out talking about the Lord’s work and that His entire goal is us, His children. We are what matters most to Him. Moses learned that man is nothing compared to God. But yet to God, we are everything to Him. (Elder Bednar words this so much better, but I don’t yet have access to the transcript, so I’m paraphrasing based on what I remember while listening. Again, go listen 🙂 If we consider this, then what can we do to help God with His work? That is the key. If we are His work, then what we do really matters.
  2. In order for the Lord to accomplish His purposes (Moses 1:39), we must each do our part. We can’t sit idly by and hope that someone else will do the work for us. I thought of so many things on our gospel to do list (prayers, scripture study, church attendance, temple work, family history, tithing/offerings, service, callings, etc). Honestly, if we really take the time to list out all the things, it can be daunting and overwhelming. There is a lot of work to do! But what is the purpose of that work? Yes, “to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” The Lord wants us to become like Him. He wants us to learn and grow and develop Christlike attributes. We are doing His work to help others to become as well (think anyone in your stewardship, young or old). We learn by doing. We grow by doing. We become by doing.
  3. We are agents with the ability to choose for ourselves – to act and not be acted upon. Being lazy and idle and coasting through life without purpose, meaning, or direction is not how the Lord intended us to live. God values our choices and our agency. In any situation we can choose to be acted upon and react, or we can choose to act. I was jumping ahead and listening to John Hilton III’s Book of Mormon Masterclass for 1 Nephi 16-22 and I loved how he explained this concept. It was wonderful listening to these two things back to back because they went hand in hand. Nephi chose to pray instead of complain. Nephi chose to ask his father for counsel instead of murmuring against him or the Lord. Great examples. When I think of my own life, I know I fall short in this are so many times. I am trying to learn to stop and think and then act when something comes along in life, especially that takes me by surprise. Just after Thanksgiving, I tripped on some metal-framed white boards that had been haphazardly placed in my office entrance at home. It was dark (because I was of course in a hurry and didn’t turn the light on), and I didn’t see the white boards. The metal frames were apparently no match for my foot. I broke a toe and severely sprained my foot. I was in instant pain. My husband was not home and my children came rushing out of bed to see whether I was okay. I was not happy that one of my kids had put the white boards there. I was not happy that I hadn’t seen them. I was not happy that I knew from prior experience I had broken something and would not be able to walk for a while. But in that moment, I was blessed with a heavenly view of the situation. My children loved me. They were taking care of me. My youngest went to get me some ice (because in our house ice cures all ills upon first injuring something). My oldest helped me into our office rollie chair and wheeled me to my recliner so I could elevate my swelling foot. I didn’t yell. I didn’t even cry. I honestly laughed a bit. Yes, it hurt like the Dickens (timely for that season of the year), but the Lord blessed me to see something unique in the situation that allowed me to act in faith and feel joy: I thought I finally have a ‘normal’ injury. This is something most people experience – a broken toe or foot. I recall texting my husband about what happened since he was at the gym. Then I prayed with my kids. Then I prayed by myself. I remember praying with gratitude over and over that I was blessed with this “normal” trial – that I was healthy enough to endure such a trial. Over the next several weeks in a boot and on crutches, it was tough, and I had my moments of yelling out in pain and moaning in misery; but what comforted me the most was knowing that this was not unique to me. That may sound odd, but I have had so many “rare” medical issues my entire life that it was really nice to just be average here. I knew the Lord saw me and knew me. I think if I had just given my normal reaction to the situation, I would have missed this great spiritual lesson tailored to me from the Lord. Of the hundreds of other times I didn’t act and simply reacted, I wonder what lessons I missed. I hope in the future I can remember this and wait and pray and feel the Spirit teach me. Now that I can walk without crutches or a boot, I hope I don’t forget this lesson.
  4. “There are no spiritual shortcuts.” As Elder Bednar was summarizing the points of his talk, he said this phrase. He talked about how we cannot just pass through life without striving for daily spiritual experiences and growth. I have been doing physical therapy, but sometimes frequent surgeries (or foot injuries) get in the way of my progress. It can feel defeating. But, I know that when I do my best and give it my all for that day (even if that is a super small amount, but great effort), I see the incremental improvement. Over time, I feel myself getting stronger and look at what I am becoming physically. It may not show on the outside, but I feel it when I get out of bed in the morning or kneel down to pray (which some days has been a miracle in and of itself – just ask my kids). As I thought about the daily efforts we must put in to grow spiritual strength and endurance, I thought of the small reps I do to build back my muscle mass. Such simple, but often difficult or inconvenient tasks, but big differences over time. Similarly, prayer, scripture study (think of all the things you thought of on your to-do list from point #2) all provide small and simple means to accomplish the great work of becoming like Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

My dad used to always say a phrase when we were growing up (okay, he still says it now, but I don’t live with him so I don’t hear it as often). Apparently, he learned it from his dad. I am not sure where to attribute this phrase, so if you know, please share it with me. I like to give credit where credit is due. Anyway, my dad would say, “Work will win when wishy-washy wishing won’t.” He called this “W to the 8th Power.” We kids always knew what he meant when he said it. There was no shortcut. We had to do the work. Whether it was yard work, other service projects, chores around the house, or some issue we had to deal with that we had to work out for ourselves, this phrase stuck. My dad is probably the hardest worker I know. Even though he recently retired, that man continues to work. He finds projects. He attends the temple and serves in the Church. He wakes up early and doesn’t stop until the day is done. When we went on vacations, we got the biggest bang for our buck because we never just lazed around – we were up and going and doing every minute of every day. I have great memories of many trips because of this. Spiritually, my parents taught us to put in the work. We were not perfect at reading the scriptures every single day, but we sure put in the effort and tried and tried to do it daily. They taught me the value of learning how the Spirit talks to me and how to know what the Lord wants me to know about me and my life in addition to learning about Him and His life. I hope that I am teaching my children similar things and that they will know: when in doubt, think W to the 8th power!

We must be willing to work: to go and search and pray and ponder ourselves, just like Nephi in The Book of Mormon. Laman and Lemuel may have been trying to find a spiritual shortcut; when Nephi asked if they had asked the Lord about Lehi’s dream, they said they hadn’t, making the excuse that the Lord wouldn’t make those things known to them. I learn from this that I need to have more faith in the Lord and ask even when I don’t want to. I need to pause and read the scriptures or listen to Conference talks even when time is short. I need to prioritize things of God first and foremost because ultimately that’s the only thing that will matter. No wonder President Nelson’s talk in the last General Conference was about thinking celestial. If we can make Jesus Christ the focus, the center of our lives, we will be happier. Life will still be hard, but we will not just get through it – we can enjoy each day doing it.