I have suffered from a kidney disease called Polycystic Kidney Disease (PKD) my entire life. I was born with it. Apparently, many people in the world have this disease but don’t realize it or know anything is different until much later in life. For me, not only did I have a long family history of the disease on my mom’s side of the family, but I had issues with my bladder and ureters since I was an infant. I found out officially I had the disease when I was three years old. Throughout my life, I had various procedures, tests, treatments, etc. to keep infections at bay as well as to help my quality of life. Most people who experience kidney failure are much older than I was, but of course it could potentially be any age. I was 35 when my kidneys failed, and I went on hemodialysis (HD). This was devastating and miserable, and that’s putting it mildly. At the time, I had two young children ages five and two. They didn’t really understand what was happening, but they knew I was gone from home a lot. Hospital visits and surgeries, dialysis treatments, and tests. They removed both of my kidneys within six months of starting dialysis, so I was without any kidneys for about seven months. I nearly died multiple times during this period of my life. But, I must say, during this time, I grew closer to my Savior, Jesus Christ, than at any time previous.
I was born and raised a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I was baptized when I was eight years old. My entire life I had a testimony of and believed in Jesus. I had felt the Spirit of the Holy Ghost many times in my life. I knew that I was a child of God and that He had a plan for me. I saw many miracles and blessings in my life up to that time, but my faith and testimony was stretched and enlarged more during that year than any time before. I am happy to say that since that awful year of being on dialysis, I have continued to grow and seek the Lord as often as I can. While I am far from perfect and still have much to learn, I know that when I seek Him, I find Him. Jesus Christ is always there. He knows me better than I know myself. He understands every pain and every struggle. I know personally how it feels to find that not just one perfect match, willing donor won’t work out because of some unique medical flaw. He knows the pain of not being able to lie down at night because there is too much fluid in your body that you can’t get out because you have no kidneys. He knows the unquenchable thirst of being limited to only 24 oz. of fluid per day (including soup, ice, or anything else that turns to liquid) so that the body isn’t overloaded with fluid. He knows the struggle of an extremely limited renal diet. He knows the frustration of waiting for a kidney. He has felt the excruciating pain of infection and surgeries, and month-long hospital stays. He truly empathizes regardless of the situation. Not only does Jesus know–He suffers with us. He suffered with me. I felt His spirit close to me through it. Every hour of every day.
I also know that Jesus fully understands and celebrates our joys, too. There is nothing like the joy of seeing your daughters’ faces the day you come home from a month-long stay at the hospital, having not seen them for days and weeks at a time. The amazing hospital staff and medical teams who saved my life multiple times brought tears of joy to my eyes. I know that they were a direct blessing from God. I got to know each of them by name. I felt the joy that gratitude in the smallest miracles could bring, like having a friend sit and talk with me through the most grueling test I’ve ever experienced while in 10/10 pain. I was blessed to have these experiences before the pandemic so I could have hospital visitors. At one point, even my little children got to visit me in person.
One of the best days of my life was when I got a call out of the blue from my cousin’s wife (non-blood relation). Her name is Stephanie. She informed me that she had on her own contacted the transplant center and was tested to be my kidney donor. She was a match. Not only that, from the day she called me to the day I got my transplant was only about two months. So after one year on dialysis, I had a transplant–a working kidney. I felt better than I had in years. What a miracle. What a blessing!
It’s been just over four years since my transplant. Unfortunately, my road has not been an easy one to say the least since that time. However, I continue to witness miracles and feel abundant joy each day because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. The ups and downs of life are not always fun or easy to manage. But I know this: it is possible to be in a most difficult situation and still feel close to God. In fact, I would venture that I feel even closer to God at those times. I may not understand why things have to be the way they are or why the things happen to me or at that time, but that is insignificant. Why? Because of who I am becoming as a result of my experiences. Because in the darkest days of trial, I found my Savior there. I have felt for myself Jesus’ promise as found in John 14 in the New Testament. “I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you … Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
My prayer is that when dark days come (and sometimes in this world today it feels like every day is a bit dark) that we can call up the Lord and ask in the name of Jesus Christ for help. Jesus is our Comforter. He is our Advocate. He knows and loves us and wants to help us more than we can possibly understand.